Here are a few best man jokes you can use for your best man's speech. Use them at your own risk!
- "For a lot of people, marriage is a three-ring circus. You have the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-ring."
- "Marriage is grand - and divorce is about 10 grand."
- "The husband bought his frigid wife a big tube of K-Y jelly and told her, "This will make you happy." It did. She put it on the bedroom doorknob after he went out."
- "Sorry I cannot be at the Wedding... Please send me a photo of Bride and Groom Mounted." (to be read out amongst announcements of those that couldn't be present)
- "Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished."
- "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.
Golden rules for the best man's speech:
- You aren't the star of the show. Keep it short and sweet. 5 minutes is probably ideal.
- Speak slowly.
- Practice the speech out loud a few times, either to friends or in an empty room. This can make a huge difference to how well you deliver it.
- Make sure you say at least 2 nice things about the groom for every joke you make at his expense.
- Don't even think about saying anything negative about the bride.
- If in doubt, leave it out.